Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
