i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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