she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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