"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
