Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
