I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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