I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
