i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Can I color on your dick again?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize