it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
he told me I talked like a deaf person
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
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