it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
