you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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