Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
