Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
