Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
my liver is dry heaving
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
