you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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