its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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