New low: just hacked my moms facebook
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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