problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I need to calm my uterus...
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
