so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
