He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
