that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
