i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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