Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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