i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize