So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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