I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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