you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
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