ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
