Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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