dude i'm inner monologue high
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
