I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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