Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
