is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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