Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
