good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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