i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
