My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize