Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
