And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
