It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
