I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
