Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
