Pants 0. Shit 1.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
did you just send me my own nude
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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