I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Randomize
