"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Randomize
