Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
