How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
