Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
