A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
