That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
