im drinking this country out of the recession.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
