when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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