____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
