either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
