He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
