I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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