We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
