Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
