They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
