There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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