you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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