Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
