this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
