just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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