Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
