whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
