i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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