Apparently you make a good broom.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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