eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
