Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
