i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize