hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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